Alright. Since it’s been some time since I’ve blog about my own needy life, I’m going to do a twofer. One will be a bit self indulgent, so, yeah, maybe skip over that, and the other… that one is about writing process.
I Need A Win
That’s how I’m feeling lately. I need a win. I’ve been sorta down on myself. Feeling like I need a sign, something that tells me that I’m on the right track. (By the way, this part of the blog probably won’t turn into some sort of cheery feel good blog… I’m just warning you…) (Not that it’s super depressing either.) With the birth of my son, my writing and my writing career has meant that much more. That much more seems to be riding on me doing the best work that I can AND people liking it. More importantly, producing it. It’s stupid tough pressure that I’m putting on myself. But I can’t seem to help it.
And just lately… in the front of my brain… I just want a win. Just… something. And I know, I KNOW, it should be about the journey and the joy of writing… but, let me be blunt: my landlord does NOT accept joy. And one of the reasons I moved out to LA was to make a living as a writer. I’m not JUST doing it for the joy (there IS that) (most days).
Sometimes, you just need the world to turn to you and say, “Hey, dude, I like your stuff.”
Why I’m Not Writing Right Now
I’m sorta falling for this whole not writing thing. I don’t mean not WRITING writing, I mean sorta thinking about what I’m going to write before I launch into it. I have a tendency to throw myself into a script like shooting myself out of a cannon. A poorly aimed one. Sometimes I hit, other times I miss. Usually I go tearing into a script from an initial image, or just the beginnings of a situation and let the characters guide where I want to go. Like I said, sometimes that works, other times…
Other times I do a lot of rewriting–which of course, makes sense, with writing comes REwriting. However… and I’m beginning to RElearn this, if the initial foundations are all screwed up, its better to raze the thing than keep moving furniture around. And by raze, I, of course, mean, starting the play OVER, at the beginning, keeping the good bits and chucking the rest.
This is all coming from two places. 1. Being reminded I have to outline my TV pilots (a feature guest blog on that) and 2. The Playlab that I am a part of. Basically, for the first few meetings, we are all sitting around talking about our ideas. Just what we are thinking about writing. Could be an image. Could be a whole story. And the group asks questions, sometimes really HARD questions, and other times just points out the things that stick with them, or what it reminds them of.
I’m beginning to remember WHY I carry a notebook around with me. This gestational period… it’s so important. So tremendously important. Thinking about characters. Thinking about THEMES. Thinking about STORY.
You know what it is? It’s coming to the writing ARMED. Ready to take on the blank page, rather than having the blank page take on ME. So. It’s good. That I’m not writing right now.