Dealing with imagined rejection…

37.14.52For me the hardest part of writing isn’t the rejection.  It’s what to do in the face of rejection.  Imagined or otherwise.

Lately, I have been going on general meetings out in LA land.  This is great.  It’s fun.  I LOVE driving onto a lot in LA.  It’s like that moment at the end of the Muppet Movie… it totally feels like you’ve made it… except you have a visitor’s badge slapped on your chest…but, nevertheless for an hour or so, you feel really important.

And then I have the meeting, we laugh, we cry, we gasp, we gossip, we have an all around good time.

And then… something may or may not come from it.  Lately, a whole lot of nothing.  Getting into TV is a hard business.  And there’s a lot of people who want in, and not a lot of jobs to go around.  That’s reality.

Yesterday, I had a good meeting.  At least, I thought.  I’m not sure.  Maybe?  I walked out feeling good, but, then I got a few steps and starting thinking…. what happened?  Did we just… CHAT?

Because the thing that I wanted to happen, the thing that I really really wanted to happen? “Hey, Larry, we adore your script, let’s make it… here’s $50,000….”  That’s what I really wanted to happen.

So, maybe, my expectations were high.

And when I didn’t get handed the check, I started doubting… I started feeling rejected.  Because I didn’t get the job, I didn’t get the development deal, etc, etc.

And it’s totally ridiculous.  Totally.  Just because I didn’t get offered something in a general, let’s get to know you meeting, I’m suddenly OVER as a writer?  It’s ridiculous, but, that’s where my brain was going.   I couldn’t shake it.  At all.

I have no reason to think the meeting went POORLY.  We talked for an hour, we got interrupted because she had a phone conference.  But, for some reason it just crept into my brain, I did the whole meeting wrong.  It was a failure.  I’m a failure.  REJECTION!

It’s hard to shake those demons.  (I have named my demon Brian.)

Now, to be real, to be frank, there’s always a possibility, that yeah, it’s true, I may never get that job, I may never get that $50,000 check…

But, I certainly won’t get it if I stop.

My son wanted to play with me this morning.  Like, holding on to me, calling my name.  And, at almost two, he is pretty irresistible.  But, I had to go back to work.  I had to explain to him:

“Daddy had a bad day yesterday.  Filled with doubt.  He needs to get up off the floor and that means writing some pages.  We’ll play later.”

And I marched into the office and put my butt in the chair.  And started writing.  And it wasn’t a work of genius.  Those words… not something I would hand someone.  But… I was doing it.

Real or imagined, rejection is hard.  And I hate to say it: the only cure for it, get up, start doing the work again.

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