This blog is late. I know it. My goal is to have a new blog by me done and out every Wednesday morning by 8 am. I generally have it written the night before. But, not this week. This week I’m a little bit behind. And that’s OK. (Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.)
I’ve been working on a lot of projects–a play, a pilot, more than a couple of articles, and I have to admit, the tension was getting to me. I kept raising the bar of HOW IMPORTANT EACH AND EVERYTHING WAS… I kept piling the pressure on and on. And what do you think happened? I snapped.
I sat at my computer and I was frozen. I couldn’t move forward in the play, all I could think about was… will this line make sense to the audience coming to the reading? What about this scene, will this scene WOW them? People who can do things are coming, better impress!
Basically, I was turning the writing over to them. Except they weren’t in the room to tell me how to write the play….
It was bad. I was in a panic. I was so upset with myself. I just couldn’t write because I had built up this one event as a magic bullet for my career. Which in the bright light of the day, is totally foolish. There is no magic bullet event–no matter what reality TV tells us, this won’t necessarily change your life. You don’t know when your life is going to change, when your career is suddenly going to catch on fire. You can’t plan for that. You can’t MAKE it happen.
So, I had to let it go. I had to let go of all the expectation, all of the “this is going to blow their mind” bullshit.” I had to let it go. (Now, keep in mind, this was my wife and my writing wingman (Eric Loo) telling me this… talking me down…And they were right.) I had to let it go and just look at the play for what it is.
And once that message got into my brain, I realized there were other things I had to let go. All of my great ideas for the play… “it could be like this…” and “All I have to do is THIS” and “I should structure it like THIS…” All of it. Gone. Let’s just let this draft be what ever it’s going to be.
In other words, it’s going to be OK.