The experiment rolls on….

Alright. A treat. For you? Or for me? I don’t know. But. We continue on. I wrote what I would consider the opening scene of the play. I’ve decided the “main” character probably won’t appear in the play. Let’s see how that works for awhile. Anyway. I wrote an opening scene. It came out quickly. And ultimately, I think that might have been it’s downfall. Here’s the scene:

Former the First Scene

It seems fine. It moves well. But, does it do what I want it to do. This is what I wrote in my notebook:

The opening scene. It’s light right now. I don’t want to put that foot forward. Light in the sense there’s not much depth to it yet. It’s a bite of candy. I want it to be a little more complex. So. Rewrite it.

Moore (now Robbie in the new scene)–he wants to be a rock star, needs a break.
Jenny–none–sh’e put all her chips into Doug.
Asha–she dreams of being a rockstar? A producer?
Gary–he dreams of dreaming–each day he dreams of something new.
Melody–She dreams of owning her her own business. (this is crossed out) Thinks dreams are stupid. Very pragmatic. You want to play, play for the sake of playing.

Should they all have dreams. No. Do need an opposite. Moore and Doug used to be roommates in college. Nerdcore!

None of these people will ultimately achieve their dreams.

Moore and Doug–head to head.

So that first scene, should be short, ten pages. Gtting out all of that stuff. Well. Not all. More of it. Their characterizations. that’s what I want.

Melody doesn’t want to be there. In the end, she’s the most logical.

I kinda feel for Melody at the moment. I don’t want her to be the villain. I don’t think there are villains in this piece.

Anyway. Below are the NEW pages. Note the name changes. There are some things that I kept, something I changed. I wanted to keep the scene in motion. And I also wanted to have a scene in the winter. I like that. Theater shouldn’t always be 70 degrees and sunny.

Plan B Draft 1

I think these are better pages. There’s a subtle conflict developing. A rivalry between Asha and Jenny that I like. And maybe even one between Doug and Robbie. Gary’s fun to write. I just need to make sure he doesn’t turn into the buffoon of the piece. He needs a heart too. just like Melody.

Until next time…

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One Comment

  1. Mom
    Posted August 3, 2011 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    Main character like the “voice” in Charlie’s Angels. After all he was the boss.

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